


a bad secret

by esperink



Series: polyshipweek 2018 [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Multi, Polyship Week, Prompt Fill, Tumblr: polyshipprompts, maybe? - Freeform, the prompt was angst but tbh i can't tell if i do angst right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 01:17:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15328539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esperink/pseuds/esperink
Summary: Jeremy tried to keep this a secret.





	a bad secret

**Author's Note:**

> oof
> 
> [prompt](http://polyshipprompts.tumblr.com/post/145116309263/imagine-your-ot-dealing-with-person-a-dying-how)
> 
> you can reblog the story [here](https://esperinkdraws.tumblr.com/post/176007623511/ao3-link-here-ayyy-polyshipweek-day-2-this-ones)

Jeremy was hiding something. They all knew he was. And it wasn’t something good, they could tell. Forced smiles could only hold off concerned boyfriends questioning for so long.

And he had to tell them anyway. He couldn’t just… leave without a warning.

Tuesday, he decided he’d tell them. Tuesday dinners were something none of them ever missed. It had become almost like tradition, because Tuesday was the least busiest time for everyone. Other days the boys had class or work or other arrangements, but Tuesdays were sacred. They always made sure to have Tuesday free.

He grimaced at the thought of tainting Tuesday dinners.

And he tried his best, his hardest to keep his emotions on the matter hidden. It was funny, really, that they had all survived the SQUIPcident of 2015 but Jeremy wouldn’t be able to survive this.

Michael was the first to find out. It was Thursday, five days too early. They were playing video games, like people do, when it suddenly occurred to him just how terrifying dying would be. He froze, grip tight on the controller he was using, his heart and mind racing.

Michael noticed when Jeremy’s car on Mario kart crashed. He looked over. “Jer?” he asked. “Shit, Jeremy? Are you crying?”

Jeremy rubbed the tears off his face, not realizing that he had started crying silently. “It’s… it’s nothing, Micah,” Jeremy lied.

“No, something’s obviously wrong,” Michael said, turning to him. “You’ve been acting all weird lately! I’m worried about you, dude.”

“I…” His hand gripped the red sweater he’d been borrowing from Michael. The sweater helped him feel a little better these days. “You know how I had to go to the doctor a few weeks ago?” Michael nodded. “Well, they found something wrong with me… and I…” He couldn’t finish.

Michael sat there in shock for a few moments before wrapping his arms around the other boy. Jeremy didn’t move, aside from burying his face into Michael’s shoulder.

“Don’t tell the others,” he mumbled. “I was going to tell everyone next week.”

Michael didn’t say anything about it.

The next to find out was Jake, on Saturday. He was looking for a very specific notebook. He knew that Jeremy borrowed it sometimes, so he’d gone into his room to look for it. Results from the doctor’s visits happened to be in the pile on Jeremy’s desk.

Jake blinked and stared at the paper, squinting at it as if he’d read something incorrectly.

He left the room, completely forgetting about the notebook.

“Where’s Jeremy?” Jake asked Michael, who was washing the dishes.

“I think he went food shopping,” Michael replied, somewhat distracted by his chore. “He wanted to make a special meal or something for Tuesday.”

“Right… okay…,” Jake mumbled. He never did get around to confronting Jeremy about the results.

Rich found out the day before Jeremy had planned to announce it. He’d been meaning to sneak up on Michael and Jeremy, to surprise them and get a laugh, when he heard hushed whispers.

“I’m going to die anyway,” Jeremy was muttering, about something that Michael must have said before Rich was in earshot.

“Yeah well I don’t want you to die faster!” Michael whispered back.

“What?” The strangled word slips out before Rich can stop himself.

Jeremy and Michael whipped around. Jeremy opened his mouth a few times, trying to say something but not quite being able to.

“R-Rich,” Michael stammered, “when did you get home?”

“A few minutes ago… what’s wrong with Jeremy?”

Jeremy bit his lip before sharing a glance with Michael, and he started explaining.

“Does Jake know?”

“I haven’t told him yet… I was going to tell you guys at dinner on Tuesday...,” Jeremy said quietly.

Tuesday… was an uncomfortable affair. All four of them sat at the table. Jeremy fidgeted with his usual cardigan. “Jake… I have something to tell you.” Once he was sure he had his attention he sighed. “I went to the doctor the other day and…”

“I know,” Jake said, not looking up from his food. “I was looking for something and… found the paper from your appointment.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

Jake spoke up again. “Did they say how long you have?”

“A few months…”

“Well then… we should make them the best few months ever, right?” Jeremy looked up, and Jake was offering a small, albeit sad, smile.

Jeremy managed to smile back.

They tried. They really did. They all tried to act like things were normal. Tried to hide the sad smiles and teary eyes.

But it wasn’t the same anymore. Michael had already started to close himself off. He didn’t know what he’d do when his best friend was gone. Rich felt like he couldn’t say much, so he didn’t. He’d talk to Brooke, though, about how he was feeling, and she’d try her best to support him. Jake, a month after hearing the news, admitted he couldn’t do this.

“I’m sorry,” Jake said, voice quivering and shaking his head. He backed up when Jeremy reached out to him. “I can’t – I can’t do this. I’m sorry – I have to leave.”

“You’re just going to leave us?” Michael demanded.

“I can’t – I can’t,” was all Jake could say.

The relationship of four turned into one of three. Michael acted as if Jake had betrayed them. He had to deal with his grief somehow, and he did it by being frustrated by Jake’s decision.

Rich didn’t communicate much anymore. The others tried to pretend like that didn’t bother them.

When Jeremy ended up in the hospital, Jake would visit when Rich and Michael weren’t there, unable to face them.

“We miss you,” Jeremy said, grabbing Jake’s hand. “Micah’s trying to act like he doesn’t, but he misses you too.”

Jake bit his lip.

Rich stopped talking at all after the funeral. He still lived with Michael but he never said a word. He was silent.

He showed up at Michael’s bedroom door one night. Neither said anything as he crawled into the bed and buried his face into his shoulder. Michael’s sweater got soaked with tears, and he was actually a little surprised how many tears Rich was able to produce.

“I miss him too,” Michael said softly.

**Author's Note:**

> writing this actually legit hurt me. also i've never written a character death before, oof.
> 
> i WAS going to write them moving on and getting back with Jake and then getting with Dustin, whoops, didn't get to it.
> 
> also i tried looking up an illness for jeremy but all i could find was cancer, and that hits too close to home, so jeremy just has a mystery illness or something.
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr: esperinkdraws


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